How to make it stop?

How to make it stop?

how? how? how?

How do i stop it? all the rantings of my heart? all the feelings that are burning inside me?
How do i stop myself from needing you? how do i stop myself from wanting you?
How do i convince myself that you are not here anymore?
How do i make myself believe that it is going to be okay?
How do i stop this pain?
How to tell the heart not to feel?
How do i stop the messed up brain of mine to stop thinking about you?
How do i stop thinking about us?

Where are you?

I want someone i can be my real self with...all the little kiddish thoughts i have been holding up inside me...everyday i feel a constant struggle in my heart...for being who this world wants me to see and who i really want to be...
I want someone who can love me for sitting quietly, saying nothing beside the lake in the dark for hours
I want someone to love me when i get all over-excited seeing cotton candy or just a mere thought of me riding a bicycle give me happiness
I want someone who can see that i can be real foolish all the time...but still love me for me...

What if one day...

What if one day...

i will wake up and feel that all the burden i have been feeling all these years has been uplifted...anything and everything that i felt stressed about, no longer matters...all the pain in my heart has vanished...all the things that i have been missing out in my life are there with me now...all the people i ever wanted in my life are there for me from now on...

i think hopes and fantasies help some people like me to survive every other day... :) 

I wish i could have my childhood back...

 i wish i could have my childhood back...

just to learn riding bicycle again from my father, just to see the look on my mum's face when i got rank one in class, just to value those moments more...for i have never really felt so lonely in life than i am feeling now, that i want to relive everything with my parents.

I wish i had them there for me when i was constantly looking for my peace in the world outside and never realized until now that it was here in my parents, with my parents. And now it looks like a distant dream( even if this is something i really want)  to feel a connect with them after all these years.... 

I want my mother to be my friend too..

I want my mother to be my friend too..

Whenever i come across the social media posts in which people often mention their mother being their best friend, i always wonder how come i have never experienced such feelings for my mother.
even though she has been a great mother, like every mother on earth. but i wonder how it feels to have your mother as your best friend.

I would absolutely everything to have that bind with her...i wish i just knew what..